I just video called my mum and now I'm in tears. Like literally, wiping my tears as I'm typing this. I know you might think I'm crazy to be blogging about this moment but I feel so overwhelmed with my feelings that I think I need to pen them down somewhere.
I think this is probably my first time properly crying since I arrived in Sydney. Like, when Tongtong and Bestie came and left, I was really down. How happy I was when they first arrived, is how sad I was when they left. I was down, didn't really want social interactions for that few days after and quietly shed some tears in some corner of my room. But I didn't breakdown, and I didn't experience outburst of emotional crying.
And now I'm crying because I feel really overwhelmed by the upcoming examinations. I have been feeling really stressed, like I feel uneasy about sleeping because I haven't finish studying. I feel like I'm going crazier with the passing days and I'm running out of time. To be honest, I'm not usually so high tension because I always think grades aren't everything. But now that I'm here on a scholarship, things are different. I feel like there's always a burden on my shoulder pressuring me to do well for my course. It's like I
have to must do well, and failure isn't an option. And some days I can't breath because people around me have so much faith that I can do well, and I'm internally screaming,
where do you get that confidence from???!
And video calling my mum was the last straw. Because there is no one I can rely on here. Even simple things like my soap and shampoo running out, or thinking about settling my meals is stressing me out because all these take time which is what I don't have now. I really miss my family. Like I just want to talk to them about daily shenanigans for a couple of minutes and I think that will help to release stress.
I honestly, can't wait for exams to me over and for my mum to be here next week. At that time, I hope I would be able to look back at this post and tell myself that,
Vivien, you are strong.
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I just video called my mum and now I'm in tears. Like literally, wiping my tears as I'm typing this. I know you might think I'm crazy to be blogging about this moment but I feel so overwhelmed with my feelings that I think I need to pen them down somewhere.
I think this is probably my first time properly crying since I arrived in Sydney. Like, when Tongtong and Bestie came and left, I was really down. How happy I was when they first arrived, is how sad I was when they left. I was down, didn't really want social interactions for that few days after and quietly shed some tears in some corner of my room. But I didn't breakdown, and I didn't experience outburst of emotional crying.
And now I'm crying because I feel really overwhelmed by the upcoming examinations. I have been feeling really stressed, like I feel uneasy about sleeping because I haven't finish studying. I feel like I'm going crazier with the passing days and I'm running out of time. To be honest, I'm not usually so high tension because I always think grades aren't everything. But now that I'm here on a scholarship, things are different. I feel like there's always a burden on my shoulder pressuring me to do well for my course. It's like I
have to must do well, and failure isn't an option. And some days I can't breath because people around me have so much faith that I can do well, and I'm internally screaming,
where do you get that confidence from???!
And video calling my mum was the last straw. Because there is no one I can rely on here. Even simple things like my soap and shampoo running out, or thinking about settling my meals is stressing me out because all these take time which is what I don't have now. I really miss my family. Like I just want to talk to them about daily shenanigans for a couple of minutes and I think that will help to release stress.
I honestly, can't wait for exams to me over and for my mum to be here next week. At that time, I hope I would be able to look back at this post and tell myself that,
Vivien, you are strong.
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