"Bye bye! Drive safely!"

I waved furiously as my eyes trailed the disappearing cars. Then it was just me. Feet frozen to the ground. Icy wind brushing against my face. Snowflakes piling up on my coat. And after what seems like eons, I mechanically trudged my way back home to the building. 

The deafening silence filled up the entire building. Funny how this is eerily similar to my first morning here. Where I was standing in the exact same spot. Where I still haven't talked to anyone in this building. Where I thought my stay here was gonna be miserable. I chuckled to myself while comparing the two scenarios in my head. Indeed, a house is only a home when people you love are in it. 

I dragged myself back into my room, turned the heaters on, rolled myself like a burrito with my blanket and ... just gazed out of the window. The snowflakes outside are mercilessly tumbling. The trees outside are relentlessly shivering. And I'm all wrapped up and warm inside. But wait, am I?

I flipped my laptop open and put on some music. Some really sad tunes that feebly attempted to describe my feelings. Or so I thought. Until tears start welling in my eyes and trickling down my cheeks. And that moment I thought to myself, I am cold, very very cold. 

This week has been ... I don't even know what's the best word to describe it. Hard? Depressing? Heartbreaking? It was filled with many goodbyes and I'm absolutely terrible with them. First it was my kiddos at the preschools. Especially with my spiderman loving kiddo B who is 4. He is so guarded around everyone but truly opened up to me. He always looks at me with those gorgeous blue eyes, takes my hand and happily shows me his toys. He uses mostly gestures with some single words to communicate, but has been vocalising a lot more with me. And I guess he must definitely hate goodbyes like me because he was looking away when I was leaving. You don't know how crushed I was feeling at that moment. 

Then it was my friends living in the same building. Friends that I have been hanging out with every day for the entire time I have been in Orange. Actually my friends have been leaving, one after another each week. That's because we are all here on placements. We started on different dates and have different placement durations. And whenever someone leaves, I will be really down. This week was especially tough. One friend left yesterday morning while I was at placement. Three left this morning altogether, and now everyone I have known from my first week here are gone. And it is just me left. 

A small part of me feels like this entire post sounds somewhat ridiculous cause the majority of my friends here are living in Sydney. I'm ending my placement here in a week's time, so I can always catch them when I'm back in Sydney. But for the most part of me, I believe these melancholy feelings are validated. For one, some of my friends are living in other parts of NSW so I may never see them ever again. Especially since I'm likely to fly home to Singapore in end December, so it might be a while before I'm back to Aussie again. I can already predict how terrible I will feel on the day I'm leaving Aussie, oh gosh. 

I know this is just how life works, where farewells are an inevitable part. I know I will feel better soon, maybe after a warm shower, some hot chocolate and a good sleep. But just because my head knows doesn't mean my heart understands. So for now, I will continue snuggling in my bed with the music playing softly in my ears, and hopefully, my melancholic feelings will evaporate away. 

"Bye bye! Drive safely!"

I waved furiously as my eyes trailed the disappearing cars. Then it was just me. Feet frozen to the ground. Icy wind brushing against my face. Snowflakes piling up on my coat. And after what seems like eons, I mechanically trudged my way back home to the building. 

The deafening silence filled up the entire building. Funny how this is eerily similar to my first morning here. Where I was standing in the exact same spot. Where I still haven't talked to anyone in this building. Where I thought my stay here was gonna be miserable. I chuckled to myself while comparing the two scenarios in my head. Indeed, a house is only a home when people you love are in it. 

I dragged myself back into my room, turned the heaters on, rolled myself like a burrito with my blanket and ... just gazed out of the window. The snowflakes outside are mercilessly tumbling. The trees outside are relentlessly shivering. And I'm all wrapped up and warm inside. But wait, am I?

I flipped my laptop open and put on some music. Some really sad tunes that feebly attempted to describe my feelings. Or so I thought. Until tears start welling in my eyes and trickling down my cheeks. And that moment I thought to myself, I am cold, very very cold. 

This week has been ... I don't even know what's the best word to describe it. Hard? Depressing? Heartbreaking? It was filled with many goodbyes and I'm absolutely terrible with them. First it was my kiddos at the preschools. Especially with my spiderman loving kiddo B who is 4. He is so guarded around everyone but truly opened up to me. He always looks at me with those gorgeous blue eyes, takes my hand and happily shows me his toys. He uses mostly gestures with some single words to communicate, but has been vocalising a lot more with me. And I guess he must definitely hate goodbyes like me because he was looking away when I was leaving. You don't know how crushed I was feeling at that moment. 

Then it was my friends living in the same building. Friends that I have been hanging out with every day for the entire time I have been in Orange. Actually my friends have been leaving, one after another each week. That's because we are all here on placements. We started on different dates and have different placement durations. And whenever someone leaves, I will be really down. This week was especially tough. One friend left yesterday morning while I was at placement. Three left this morning altogether, and now everyone I have known from my first week here are gone. And it is just me left. 

A small part of me feels like this entire post sounds somewhat ridiculous cause the majority of my friends here are living in Sydney. I'm ending my placement here in a week's time, so I can always catch them when I'm back in Sydney. But for the most part of me, I believe these melancholy feelings are validated. For one, some of my friends are living in other parts of NSW so I may never see them ever again. Especially since I'm likely to fly home to Singapore in end December, so it might be a while before I'm back to Aussie again. I can already predict how terrible I will feel on the day I'm leaving Aussie, oh gosh. 

I know this is just how life works, where farewells are an inevitable part. I know I will feel better soon, maybe after a warm shower, some hot chocolate and a good sleep. But just because my head knows doesn't mean my heart understands. So for now, I will continue snuggling in my bed with the music playing softly in my ears, and hopefully, my melancholic feelings will evaporate away.